please..this is another item of brain dump..is soooo past tense...so before my friends call the funny farmmmmmmmm..relax..all is good!
Part 6 emilie falls into the darkness
c-spine, her head held still … gripped by fear, cradled in an awareness of a danger so intense… primordial reactions ….explosive need to move….panic seizes her breathing…
small, she appears in the distance of her mind…she knows the taste of segregation..…she sees herself in a checkerboard room..backed far into the farthest square……rooks and horseman cover all exits..leaping is not an option…trapped
wading through the labyrinth of fervent rushing feelings… they climb , they are ugly and solid….movement restricted , lungs collapse, falling forward without arms
forcing thoughts into what has been…capitulating all she said, forcing the words into a gelatin pill..she swallows the events..inside they eat her up, no release, no calm, no trip beyond, bogus promises of highs yet to be imagined; placebo
her heart experiences sensorineural deafness…heading fast toward shut down, silence becomes the norm..
fetal position protective walls keep all at bay, touch becomes foreign…messages confusing…the dialect not found… …bile forces regurgitation… she is so sick with pathetic wonder of what she believed could be..…purging has such appeal..self destruction is comforting in its power……
white influence beckons and is easily attractive….magnetic in its pull…existence is the ghost of decision…...
flattened…she slides easily under the exit door…..her being evaporates … obdurated; all movement stops….. darkness descends… and she moves towards the promise of something better
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