briinngggg

i have this yellow rotary phone. i love it. the other night ac came over for dinner and actually used it! it so requires patience and it was nice to see someone actually take the time to use it.
it takes a manual spin of the numbered dial to register each digit. and now there are 10 turns of the dial needed to make a connection . i like the gentle purr as the dial returns to the home location upon each release.

flashback:

the street lights will be on soon. this is the rule for my curfew. i must be home before the street lights come to life. i push harder on the pedals , reluctant to head back.
the summer nights air feels so good as i ride my bike through the town streets. everywhere there are sounds of families still at play. screen doors hold no sounds in. there are tv's blaring, laughter heard and the occasional shouting as the mom calls the kids away from the resting place in front of the television set. she beckons for the nightly wash up to occur.

the dads are there too. they are the ones telling the kids to get up and go change the channel.

as i approach my house; a phone rings. the moms, several, now standing at the edge of their driveways chatting about nothing and everything , know instinctively who's phone it is. one of the moms turns on her heels and races towards the door, the screen door moans and crashes with a quick open and close.

screeching into the driveway my heart pounding in my chest. i know i am close. leaning my bike against the side of the house i run towards the front door just as the street lights begin to flicker...

rogue wave - eyes

this quote jacked from a fellow bloggers site :

“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.”
-Rumi

http://mememois.blogspot.com/

and so it begins

on the drive home last night is when i started to notice them. bursts of coloured light streaming from households on evry street.their lil' beams of shininess reflected in the water drenched streets creating a rainbow on which you can drive.
the house is adorned so careful, so prideful in the placement of merriment in wee glass tubes. all shapes and sizes capture the images of holiday spirit; hung in rows or placed in the shape of animals.

i am in awe of those who take so much time to create this festive display and am tempted to ask...is it for themselves or is it for the rest of us? thus the selfless spirit of the holidays begins...

more past writings...emillie

we are close tonight…physically and emotionally.
we speak one word yet our eyes talk another language.the words that hang between us are without definition.

we are comfortable in what is not said..not exposed.. innuendos fly at the speed of sound.

emillie is persistent lately in seeking legitimacy in the feelings that hang without confirmation like a text bubble viewable by the only those on the outside of the story.

we are watched and digested by those around yet feel vacuumed into a silence..taken but not released.with eyes locked…I attempt entrance. lightly treading on slippery sites as my steps flail in confidence; i gain no ground.
“silence leaves much to another’s interpretation” we agree …and are decidedly okay with this

emillie falls into the darkness

please..this is another item of brain dump..is soooo past tense...so before my friends call the funny farmmmmmmmm..relax..all is good!

Part 6 emilie falls into the darkness

c-spine, her head held still … gripped by fear, cradled in an awareness of a danger so intense… primordial reactions ….explosive need to move….panic seizes her breathing…
small, she appears in the distance of her mind…she knows the taste of segregation..…she sees herself in a checkerboard room..backed far into the farthest square……rooks and horseman cover all exits..leaping is not an option…trapped
wading through the labyrinth of fervent rushing feelings… they climb , they are ugly and solid….movement restricted , lungs collapse, falling forward without arms

forcing thoughts into what has been…capitulating all she said, forcing the words into a gelatin pill..she swallows the events..inside they eat her up, no release, no calm, no trip beyond, bogus promises of highs yet to be imagined; placebo

her heart experiences sensorineural deafness…heading fast toward shut down, silence becomes the norm..

fetal position protective walls keep all at bay, touch becomes foreign…messages confusing…the dialect not found… …bile forces regurgitation… she is so sick with pathetic wonder of what she believed could be..…purging has such appeal..self destruction is comforting in its power……

white influence beckons and is easily attractive….magnetic in its pull…existence is the ghost of decision…...

flattened…she slides easily under the exit door…..her being evaporates … obdurated; all movement stops….. darkness descends… and she moves towards the promise of something better

full moon

this is the image on way home tonight...beautiful!

Full Moon, in Nov, called the Frost Moon

gathered words from the net :

"There are 25,920 moments in each day... each one an opportunity to be more fully grateful and in love with the magnificent truth of who you are. This makes all things possible"

The seeds of this year's crops now fall into the fertility of Earth, where they await their germination in the spring. Be deliberate in your planting but do not dismiss that which has been sown but forgotten. Be prepared, and with deliberate intention, to touch what has already been cultivated by your influence. Go back and see the beauty as it grows towards the beauty of your own sunlight. Do not allow things to wilt in your warmth.

The mood is definitely one for a celebration involving a feast, whether it be a simple feast at home or a night out in a restaurant with friends;it really doesn't matter.

No matter where you eat or how much you may have, you may at this time enjoy a special feeling of being comfortable and simply enjoying what you have in the way of sensual delights. Spices and perfumes would certainly be appreciated. Tactile enjoyment should be savoured.

There's also a meditative calm to this Moon as many of us realize that something we planted as a seed only a a few months ago is coming to fruition in a magical sort of way. Allow the birth.

Now is the time to contemplate the mysteries or the gateways of life and death within whatever spiritual or philosophical system you choose and to work towards planting your seeds of posterity in harmony with the seasons and the cycles of life.

Remember: all regrows just in a different form with a different connection. The moon will show us each time that there are many ways to see the same event.

To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven. -- Ecclesiastes

ouch

tonight, compliments of a team building event i have whiplash and a my back is killing me! we did this race thing on these crazy fast and powerful go carts. i now know that everyone has an evil side when needed to win...ok me too. so winning is important after all. i got t- boned by my employee so hard my neck snapped and my back go wretched...but i had fun and i did come in first place of the losers race but hey? so, first is first after all...right? now where is that that back rub i am sure someone must owe me?

Deception Pass State Park, WA

camping in november?

just had a great weekend camping at deception pass state park. this is my fav park ever! it has all you need including hiking trails, miles of beaches, the scent of a strong ocean, the sound of tall pine trees and oh yeah, the feeling of the naval base screaming jets as they fly just above the tree tops. met up with my new friend LK...a portland do-gooder (a fiiiinnne fire fighter) we had such a blast! drank too much, ate too much and explored all the wonders of this glorious park. and spent time giggling at each other for the way we said "roof" or "about".
we were blessed as we saw seals and sea lions frolicking in the current.
of course, on board was the ever charming and friendly ; paige... the wonder dog!
great weekend, great adventure!

re-connections

i am blessed. i feel fortunate to be surrounded by great energies in life. it seems when i am on a slippery emotional slope some angel comes to my side and gives me the lift i need.

sometimes the book of life flips to a chapter once read and you realise you missed the words while attempting to read the print.

loving you

his name is paolo nutini

a great find off the launchcast radio room called coffeehouse.

mother nature cleans house

it happens every year, although we are not usually aware of it. in a matter of a few days, sometimes less, the trees become naked and start their winter slumber. today mother nature is house cleaning. the wind whips through the city with such fearsness. the tress give up their leaves, the last few flowers sacrafice their pedals and the grass bends over towards a winters rest.
the sky is dark grey. for some it may seem a heavy day; for me it is a day of new beginnings. the winter season is upon us. today i walk through the windy streets , hot coffee in hand and look for all the signs that the world is ready for a long quiet sleep.

under foot

my buddy lynn and her daughter a.j. are staying with me on their way through to mexico. we woke this morning and my buddy says" lets do the floors". so here we are...the last of the reno's going through.

i have not touched my tools since the summer. i avioded them actually. today with hammer, saw,tape and crowbar in hand; i feel good. i forgot how much i enjoy working with my hands and the feeling of creating something.

two rooms down...and today i cant friggin move! my lower back and thighs are screaming at me! it is a dumb job, up and down for every plank it seems...
i spend too much time at a desk i think....

more writings - emillie

the day begins. light envelopes dark. the time machines forces the rhythm of our existence. sunshine warms us into the moment and the notice period of the future begins now.

emilie is excited today. she seems elated and beyond her own spirit. exuding a streaming band of lightness; it blinds me.


she is excited to talk today. i stand bonded to the moment and let her words cascade about me.

“there is but only two paths in life, what is and what has been. to attempt to see beyond this is futile and will result in frustration and energy misspent “. she dances in my shadow and her exuberance is charming.

she speaks without grammar, without the confines of expected prose. words drop like a waterfall of alphabet soup


“the most important thing is to be present. be completely there in the moment .avoid thoughts of consequence or be forever regretful. seize the moment. puncture your being and allow all that is now to gain entry into your soul. hold nothing back. immerse yourself in the emotion of the moment and without hesitation allow yourself to truly fall…”

we smile together, eyes locked as the thought is exchanged and lands deep within us.

…she reaches for my hand then changes her mind. she skips off and I find myself running to catch up…

river road sightings

i have shared a few photos of my drive west/east along the winding ashphalt of river road. this one is not the best image as i had to step onto private property to get this. this is another lost spirit left to disenegrate into the water's chemistry. this vessel rises and and falls with the swell of the rivers life. it seems to be unhappy to me, begging to be upright, struggling with the feeling of no control when resting on its side as this. it does not appear comfortable...the way we humans feel when we find oursleves on the ground without notice.

i think that all dwellings have a soul and they exude this when occupied. i feel a loss for this boat, i can image it in its full glory chugging up the mighty fraser in search of the next great fishing find or smiling as it hopes to pit its power against the strong and younger mighty tugs.

emillie asks about love today

emilie asks about love today..she wants to know all of it..the truths, the lies, the perceptions the missed connections, the frankness, the beginnings, then ends. the starkness of unsure acts,the intimacy, the illusions, the rights, the wrongs... i hold her thoughts in my head for a long moment..i take them apart and put them back together...words..how could we think without words...i cradle the words and pull them close, as if i can consume them like a favorite treat..slowly ,leaving the last morsel,the taste you want to be left with when is all done...

love..what is it all about..

i try to find the words but all i find are images of us..touching spirits dance a dance of secret cadence...her smile, her touch..the way our feet and hands meet when slumber creeps over us... the inside passages where physical meets spiritual...

i wonder what words emilie really wants to hear, can really handle...i watch as she watches me...waiting for devine explainations..waiting for clarity to file these questions...wanting comfort in exact definitions of light,dark,feelings,essence...

i shall start at the beginning..where the road starts and all street signs are free flowing and spin in the wind..where you think you are going one way then the wind of life moves the signs and you find yourself on a journey uncontrolled by you...a journey where inside seldom reflects outside..

i take my hand into the air and grasp for her ...imaginary, of course,
she cannot feel me...but the act comforts me...i pull her image into my hand and gently place over my heart...as my hand touches my chest..i feel love..

"take my hand she says"..and i do, "but not to tight she says..i am not sure of what i feel when you do that"...i say, well all things become more comfortable over time..she laughs..i laugh and we walk in silence as the light rain falls..

a little closer

okay, so at least i have purchased the flooring! it is a black flat walnut plank laminate, high quality so should go down easy and turn out very rich looking.

i am ripping up the carpet daily, stuffing it into lil bags and disposing of it discreetly so the "olds" that live in my building don't start to send me hate mail and fines! in the meantime, orange underlay and sculpted carpet is my decoration of choice! stand by, the rest goes really fast!

matters of the heart

there have been many discussions of late with several friends on the matter of love. people do and say things that sometimes others don't understand. and the most common response from someone who lives on the outside of the event(s) is "let it go, get over him/her". i know i have spoken such words many times...but for this i now say to those who may be hurting or confused... i understand ...because
" the mind has a thousand eyes and the heart but one"

OMG my Pearl died

anyone who knows me will understand how at a loss i am! i dropped my Pearl in a puddle (outside the casino- stop.that is another story). this unit is my life organized into a lil package of efficient technology. it is my connection to so many.
the part that breaks my heart is that i lost some very special pics and saved texts. these communiques were very special and i cried when i realized they were gone!

...getting back up and running today....

The Inukshuk

"The Inukshuk (pronounced IN-OOK-SHOOK) are landmarks and beacons once erected in the north to show the traveler their way in a very barren tundra. They endure as eternal symbols of guideance. They stand solid sharing and encouraging the importance of friendship and reminding us of our dependence upon one another. The traditional meaning of an Inukshuk was to act as a compass or guide for a safe journey. Today, this serves as a reminder that we always have a choice in the direction we choose to take in our lives."

as we head fast toward a new year i see this a message of sorts...i scan my landscape daily for any sign of direction...

mt baker

on my drive to work i am forced to deal with the most aggravating piece of road in this city : the queensbourgh bridge. the back up starts way up on 20th and doesn't let up until after howe ave on the island. i hate it. but there is one thing that makes it all livable...the view south of mt baker and the alex fraser bridge. especially when the sun is rising and the sky is an incredible hue of red and orange.

in just a few weeks it will be time to put the snowboard rack on the jeep again..yipppeee!