"the box"

today i stopped by am's house to pick up a set of chairs that she gave to me. recently we had a falling out as i drew my line in the sand in terms of expecations in our friendship- seems we have two different value systems. so i gave her the option of just placing the chairs in her garage where i could swing by and retrieve them without confrontation.

included with the chairs was an envelope of random items...

talking with my fiend e,

" yeah so i grabbed the chairs and there was an envelope of stuff, ya know things..."
e= " oh you mean the box"
t= "huh"
e= " the random collection of things that friends feel they need to return to you when a dissolve occurs"
t= "i am unsure of the rules of engagement here, i didnt have a box to leave- should i be returning stuff too?"
e="no, just their way of saying i need to remove this part of you from me"

i sit now, confused and unsure of the messages in "my box" today.random items representing shared moments, connected moments and all sealed up with a card of regret and apology.
pondering...how does one decide what goes in that "box", what stays behind , and why. i have never left such a "box" on someones emotional doorstep before. i am not sure if i should be hurt or insulted.

..you can give all the physical items back, return things to stores (like i am doing tomorrow with her b-day gift that i am unable to give to her now) but you can't discard or return the memories and feelings. this emotional "box" is a permanent file within your heart and head.

maybe one day i'll have the opportunity to ask why ... for now, i place the items well within my sight. i am saddened with the disappointment i have experienced in the friendship so the items are an important memory to me...they remind me of things that were good about our friendship.